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The Curse Of Divorce

Elmer Grobler

God hates divorce

We read in Mal 2:16: “For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence," Says the LORD of hosts. ...” Divorce is the result of the fall and therefore part of the curse of sin. God hates all sin, so why would He single out divorce as the sin He hates? We also read in Matt 5:31,32 that Jesus declares divorce unacceptable for a Christian, except in the case of adultery. Why is divorce such a huge sin in God's eyes? Is it not better to rather divorce and live in peace, than to be captivated in a marriage filled with conflict?

In the Old Testament divorce apparently was an acceptable practice, for we read that Jesus said in Matt 5:31,32: “Furthermore it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you ...” What has changed in the New Testament that Jesus eliminates the option of divorce for a child of God? In Matt 5:32 Jesus makes an extremely profound statement. He says that a woman who has been divorced by her husband (note that she is the 'victim' in this divorce), and thereafter marries another, is committing adultery -- and that the man who has married her, also commits adultery! In other words, Jesus prohibits a Christian man to marry a divorced woman -- even though she is a Christian, and even though she was the 'victim' in her divorce! This sounds extremely harsh. Can it really be what Jesus meant?

Yet, we read that the apostle Paul apparently makes another exception in 1 Cor 7:15: “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.” What exactly is Paul saying in this verse? Is he saying that a Christian couple is free to divorce for the sake of peace? Not at all! The apostle Paul is saying that where a couple is married in an unequal yoke (in other words, one of them is unsaved) let the unsaved partner divorce if he or she wants to. In this scenario the unbelieving partner is severing him- or herself from the grace of God in marriage.

When a child of God walks out of a Christian marriage, you are bringing upon yourself the curse of divorce!

Why does God hate divorce so much?

Why does God hate divorce with such a passion? Because marriage is the image of the Christian's relationship with Jesus Christ -- and divorce in a Christian marriage is a contradiction of the content and message of the Gospel! In Eph 5:21-33 Paul describes the Christian marriage relationship and in verse 32 he reveals a great secret. He says that this marriage relationship he has just described, actually is a picture of Jesus Christ's relationship with His Church and His children! Marriage is an image of a Christian's relationship with Jesus Christ and when divorce occurs, it is symptomatic of a broken relationship with God by one or both partners. Divorce in a Christian marriage contradicts the Christian's testimony! When a spouse in marriage insists on divorce, he or she is actually saying: our relationship has disintegrated to such an extend that reconciliation is impossible. However, according to the Gospel of Jesus Christ there is always an open door for reconciliation! No sin is too great to be forgiven and cleansed -- not even adultery! In other words, for a Christian there is no such thing as irretrievable breakdown of a marriage!

The morality of this world

Unfortunately, the concept of irretrievable disintegration of marriage is viewed as a normality by the culture and justice system of our day -- sadly, even among many confessing Christians! The law in our country states that a court may grant a divorce on the evidence of so-called 'irretrievable disintegration or breakdown' of a marriage. In order to prove that, a spouse must only be separated from his or her spouse for a certain period of time and refuse to return to the marriage.

How tragic! This is absolutely in contradiction to the Word of God! With God reconciliation is always possible! In God's eyes no such thing as irretrievable disintegration or breakdown of a Christian marriage exists! The concept of irretrievable breakdown in a Christian marriage is a humanistic concept without any Biblical grounds!

The covenant — secret of the Christian marriage

The day a Christian couple were married, they promised to be faithful to one another until death -- and if both of them were saved they meant it with their entire heart! Only a saved Christian can understand this covenant, for the day you were saved, when you were converted, when you gave your heart and life to the Lord Jesus Christ, when you were born again, you have entered into a covenant with God to be faithful to Him until death! That day the Lord promised that He would never leave you -- and He expects from you that you would never leave Him -- even though times of trials and tribulation would follow in your relationship. If you have not entered into such a covenant with God, you must do so as soon as possible, for without it you will never experience the fullness of the Holy Spirit and the complete love of God in an intimate relationship with Him!

This is exactly the same when you and your spouse were married. If your promise to be faithful to him or her were not sincere, neither will you experience the fulfillment and complete love of your husband or wife in an intimate relationship -- because their will be distrust between the two of you. Where distrust exists in marriage and divorce is an option for one of you, such a marriage will never realise its full potential. You may as well have just been living together (shacked up, as the young generation would say) for as long as it suites both of you and when it doesn't suite one of you anymore, you simply move out. However, this is not marriage!

In my article, The Secret Of The Covenant, I expand on the secret of a victorious Christian life and the parallels with regard to marriage.

Conflict and hurt in marriage

Conflict in marriage is unavoidable and all marriages experience conflict. If your marriage is without conflict, you have probably been married for less than a year, or you have discovered something that nobody else has. Please share it with us.  

Unresolved conflict leads to hurt, and unresolved hurt leads to bitterness. The danger of unresolved hurt is that it grows like an abscess while the other spouse may not be aware thereof until it starts festering or bursts. The spouse that experiences hurt, often thinks that it is only he or she who is hurting -- however, hurt affects both partners in marriage. Spouses only show and handle hurt differently. The worst form of hurt is when someone is rejected by his or her spouse, parent, or child. Rejection is the worst form of hurt in a marriage and family -- and divorce is the worst form of rejection in marriage.

Conflict and hurt must be handled in a Biblical manner and the wonder of the story is that a Biblical solution exists for every form of conflict and hurt in marriage! The Cross of Jesus Christ offers a perfect solution to every form of conflict and hurt in marriage. At the Cross Divine love is released, conflict resolved and hurt healed. However, for as long as divorce is an option for you, you will never discover Divine love and the Cross-solution for conflict and hurt in your marriage!

In the valley of brokenness

It is quite possible that a situation may arise in a Christian marriage where divorce appears to be the only solution to one or both marriage partners. Only never believe this -- and if someone else tells you this, he or she is a liar and false prophet! The moment you believe this you are opening a door to Satan to destroy your marriage -- this is his specialty!

A situation may develop in your marriage where you feel that you just cannot continue like this -- you have arrived at the end of yourself -- your marriage is in a dead end. The feeling inside you that your spouse is making it impossible for you to be married to him or her is growing and you are rationalising your thinking and behaviour more and more. You are increasingly feeling that you are fully justified to think and feel like you do. You may have shared this feeling with the wrong person (someone else apart from your spouse and a Spirit-filled marriage counselor), and this person or persons fully support your feelings. The negative thoughts about your marriage are snowballing and within a short time you have accumulated a long list of 'good' reasons why you have to divorce your spouse and all the wrongs he or she has committed, while the (wrong) people with whom you have shared your struggle, are supporting you fully! You have sold your marriage covenant and your marriage partner for 'thirty shekels of silver'!

Bitterness have taken root in your heart while you are blaming your spouse for your unhappiness. When you have arrived at this point, you have already widely opened the door to Satan and his demons to destroy your marriage! It feels that the flame of love for your spouse has been smothered. You are desperate, you want out! What are you going to do? Divorce is the only option, you think -- and this thinking and feeling are driving you all the further away from the solution! Why? Because you have given the devil a foot in the door and the enemy is busy manipulating you emotionally and misusing you for his destructive work! The curse of divorce is at full speed busy manifesting through your life. However, your faithful spouse is still waiting for you, willing to be reconciled to you!

Deliverance from the curse of divorce

Is there deliverance from the curse of divorce? For sure! However, there is only ONE solution -- and this solution is not a process -- it is a crisis! It is a point of decision! You have to break the curse of divorce in your life through a step of faith in the liberating power of Jesus Christ through the Covenant!

If you are not divorced, you have to return to the Covenant -- your covenant with God and your covenant with your spouse! You have to kneel at the Cross and confess your unfaithfulness to God! Renew your covenant with God -- surrender your life fully and unconditionally to Him by renewal, to be faithful unto Him until death! When you have done this the Holy Spirit will empower you to return to your marriage covenant. Tell the Lord this very moment that you are returning to your marriage covenant with your spouse and that you are closing every door to Satan and his demons this very moment, in the Name of Jesus Christ your Lord -- and you will experience a miracle. The flame of your first love will again start burning and the Holy Spirit will lead you on the road to reconciliation with your spouse. The curse of divorce is broken!

If you are already divorced, you must also return to the covenant -- your covenant with God! Confess your part in the divorce before God and surrender your life fully and unconditionally to Jesus Christ as your Lord. If there is unforgivingness in your heart towards your ex, you have to confess it before God and forgive him or her from your heart. Unforgivingness and bitterness will keep you attached to the curse of divorce! The secret of freedom from the curse of divorce is reconciliation -- in as much as it depends on you!

The miracle of reconciliation

Friends, what I have written in this article is simply the Gospel of Jesus Christ! The great divorce occurred between Adam and Eve and God, in the Garden of Eden. The great reconciliation occurred on Calvary where Jesus Christ paid with His own precious blood for reconciliation between God and man. The miracle of the Gospel is that it brings reconciliation between a sinner and a holy God -- and between two spouses who have sinned against each other in marriage.  

The secret of reconciliation is the Gospel — the miracle of the Gospel is reconciliation -- and the secret of the Gospel is the Covenant!

2 Cor 5:17-21: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” Hallelujah!

Please share this article with someone who needs to read it before it is too late!

You may also want to read The Secret Of The Covenant.

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